


What Could Have Been

by Serafim3389



Series: Don't Forget [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dreaming, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 22:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2597981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serafim3389/pseuds/Serafim3389
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There has always been this worry in the back of Dean's mind. He wondered to himself all the time if Cas would ever just up and leave to go back to heaven. When given the choice, the result of Castiel's decision begs a promise to put Dean's mind at ease.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Could Have Been

                “It’s either me or heaven, Cas! You can’t have both and you know that.” Dean raised his voice at the angel, “You go back up there and you can’t come back.” Dean’s fear matched his level of anger. This time, he couldn’t hide it. He couldn’t shove the urge to cry out his words back, “You walk out that door, we are done.” His lip quivered and tears began to fall from those pained, green eyes.

                Castiel stood on the third step from the bottom leading to the door out of the bunker. His eyes were filled with sadness and guilt. He left the staircase and stepped up to Dean. The angel reached a hand up to touch the face that made him so happy to see. He wiped away the tear that approached his thumb and a tear of his own fell. When Castiel looked to the floor in apology, Dean looked up to the ceiling with the worst sorrow bleeding from his core. The two looked back to meet each other’s eyes. A green set being puffy, red, and wet, while the blue pair had fresh streams flowing. Cas leaned in and Dean met his angel’s lips. Strong hands gripped at the lapels the worn trench coat, while their lips pressed together in the most heart-wrenching kiss. Dean knew what the kiss meant. It was the kind that turn your feet to lead. The kind that left your lungs gasping like a fish out of water and no voice to call out for help. This was the kiss that resulted in an embrace of letting go and watching everything crumble before you. It was true, because he felt arms wrap tightly around his shoulders, while he was motionless once their lips parted.

                Castiel squeezed him while his fingers itched at his sides. He wanted so badly to speak, to tell his blue-eyed lover to never leave and come what may. That he would fight to his last breath to stay together. With anyone else he would’ve walked away and made their decision for them, but Dean knew he wanted Cas. Needed him. Dean wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. The arms around him retracted to only leaving warm hands on his upper-arms. They slid down to find his own hands.

                Dean still couldn’t stop crying. They fought and they’ve argued before and have come to the brink of breaking up a handful of times, but this time was different. Dean knew better than to believe he could be happy, but after two years he forgot that something like this could happen. Castiel looked took in a shaky breath, “I love you so much, Dean Winchester.”

                “Then why- why won’t you stay?” He choked out, “Stay. Fuck heaven, they wanted to kill you for the longest time and now you want to go back to them?” Cas looked at him with an open mouth trying to say something, but no words formed. Neither of them could speak after that.

                Castiel let go of Dean’s hands and stepped away from him. Dean sucked in air when the tips of his fingers became cold again. He felt the familiar shattering of his insides when the man he loved so much turned away from him. Cas started up the stairs and time seemed to slow down. Every step took a piece from his soul. He couldn’t let him go, but his feet were bound to the spot. He reached the top and placed a hand on the door knob and looked back down to Dean, “Do not cry for me, darling. Know that I am with the bees.” He swung the door open and stepped out.

                There was a bright blue flash and a thud. Dean saw a hand fall in the doorway, cuffed by a familiar sleeve, “No.” He whispered, “Please.” He slowly regained the ability to walk and was soon running up the staircase. He peered through the doorway with blurry eyes and his heart pounding in his ears. He stepped through to follow the hand down to where it extended from. Dean clenched his teeth to fight the urge to scream when he looked down to see the once beautiful, lively face now slack and looking like stone. He fell to his knees and pulled the body that belonged to Cas into his arms, “Please, baby. Don’t go, don’t go, please.” He couldn’t breathe. He looked down to blood on his hands, “Oh, god, Cas.” He sobbed while he squeezed Castiel’s lifeless body, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He cried and held onto the body while empty blue eyes stared at nothing at all. Even through his coat his body didn’t feel as warm and Dean begged, “Just wake up, baby. Just please, god, please wake up.”

~

                “Dean.”

                “ _Dean.”_

“Dean, wake up!” Castiel shook the shaking man. His boyfriend’s face grimaced while his breathing quickened. He wiped the sweat from Dean’s forehead as he finally opened his eyes. Dean quickly grabbed for his angel’s torso and pressed his head against his bare chest. In a panic he held on as tight as he could. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was awake or not. Cas fingered through matted hair with one hand and strummed his finger against Dean’s ribs with the other. Dean started to calm down as he listened to Castiel’s heartbeat. “It was just a nightmare, darling. Just a nightmare.”

                Dean huffed a sigh, “You- I,” He did his best to push his emotions away, but they pooled in his eyes and spilled over the edge, “You wouldn’t leave, right?”

                “Where would I be going?” Cas sounded confused. He traced down Dean’s jaw to land under his chin and lift his head. Their eyes met and Castiel knew what he was talking about, “No, Dean. I am not going back to heaven. _You_ are my heaven now, my home and this is where I intend to stay. With you.” He wiped away Dean’s tears and Dean leaned into the touch.

                “Promise?”

                Cas nodded and pressed his lips to Dean’s. He kissed away the pain every time. When the green-eyed man felt those lips against his, he was cured. Castiel pecked Dean’s lips a second time and rested his head against his own, “Always.”

                Dean smiled weakly as he was once again becoming sleepy. Castiel pulled the covers over them and drew Dean into as close to his chest as he could and cradled him as they went back to sleep. Dean’s last thought was how thankful he was to have Cas and their own little heaven right there in the room, even though Cas left the lamp on… again.


End file.
